First Joy

Hello Artist.


Sometimes I reminisce about the past. Not necessarily about regrets. Not even wishing I could go back.


Despite of what my inner critic might say, I am more accomplished than I was then. I have had wonderful experiences, and I feel that I have grown as a person.


So why focus on the past?


I think, because, in the past we didn't know any better. And we were better off for it.


When I was 18 I would be thrilled to be cast in the chorus of a play. Every short film had my full focus. Every good moment in acting class made me happy.


Now, everything is evaluated. Was that thing I wrote on brand? How come this web content is working but this isn't.


As I have become more "professional", everything has become an item to check off my to do list. And even the act of checking it off gives no satisfaction. I could do 23 items on a 25 item list and feel little to no sense of accomplishment. I suspect that would be true even if all 25 were done.

The biggest emotion that I get after accomplishment is relief.


Does this sound familiar?


I am beginning to realize that this is not the greatest plan. Even if it works and I somehow check every item off of my bucket list, I don't know that my current approach would make me happy. And even if it did, spending a score of years miserable so that I can feel accomplished at the end of my life seems like a terrible trade off.


So, what to do? Stop having goals? Live completely hedonistically? No.


I think that the answer lies in focusing on what you are doing and enjoying the fuck out of it. Naïve as 18 year old me was; he didn't think that the play he got cast in would skyrocket him to fame and fortune. He just loved doing it.


I love writing. I love making music. I love making movies. I love so many things that I get to do. But my focus has gotten off. Everything has to have a purpose, be a stepping stone, whatever, and it's sucked the joy out of it.


So I am going to be focusing on JOY before anything else right now. First thing in the morning, I'm going to make sure that I do something that gives me joy, and I'm going to be sure that I am present enough to enjoy it.


This is different than gratitude. I can be grateful for my health, grateful for having a place to live, but if I don't enjoy my body or enjoy my surroundings it doesn't have the same effect.


Gratitude is being happy that you have a nice apartment, Joy is decorating it to make it yours.


So now,

I am going to go to the grocery store. And I'm going to enjoy the fuck out of it.


-E



2 views0 comments

Recent Posts

See All

More Than I Can Chew

Hi Artists, If you are like me, this pandemic has added to your stress in a new way. "I have the time, why aren't I being more productive?" Sure, you don't know how you'll make rent. Sure you have no

How to grow as a human.

Hey Artists, As far as I can tell, there is only one way for humans to grow: Challenge yourself and then rest. I know that it sounds overly simplistic, but failing to follow this is literally the caus

You Have To Love It

Hey Artists, Right now I am in the middle of co-editing a documentary. Because of my belief that documentaries should not lead the people being interviewed this task has essentially become the equival

© 2023 by Magpie Media. Mercenaryartists@gmail.com

artist's advocate

inspiration

guidebooks

acting writing best life 

self help booksrt vs comm

self actualization

This site was designed with the
.com
website builder. Create your website today.
Start Now